May the fragrance of my heart reach yours

17 September 2015

My dearest,

I am overwhelmed by God’s hand upon me and our situation. Although I have no idea where you are at or what you are thinking or feeling, it is okay. I long though, to hear from you, hear your heart and what you are going through, thinking, believing and feeling. But I take rest in the fact that this is not about me or you. It is about the Kingdom of God and the glory of His name and His testimony that must go throughout the earth, through our lives and if it is the will of God, through us a couple.

It still amazes me that after all this time and all the reasons that I have to be upset with you,question you,be mad at you and cut you off, I still would look at a photo of you and my heart will overflow with love for you and my face would spontaneously erupt into a smile! Even now as I am writing this, I am smiling because my heart is filled with love for you. Unexplainable love… A love that does not make sense to me. I am suppose to feel the opposite of what I am feeling.

So can I be real? I miss you. I miss that specific look you gave me every now and then. Like the one when I came down the stairs and you grabbed me and kissed me on my cheek and hugged me. The look you gave me when we were having breakfast and my eye caught yours and you formed the words I love you. That expression on your face that was just so intense and I melted.
Your eyes, I miss your eyes and I miss your hands,you holding me, your hugs, your respectful gentle touch. I miss that… I miss your voice,your laughter and funny faces that you would pull at me.
I miss you deeply… I wish I knew where you are and what you are going through but I believe that God knows best and I also believe that you know how to be lead by Spirit. So, I just want to emphasize that I trust you because I saw my Father in your eyes. I know that He lives in you and that you are seeking His heart and will and that whatever your reasons are for doing what you are doing, I know that it is sincere and that you would have prayed about it.

So my love… It is so good to love you. It is so precious to be able to smile daily as I see your face on my phone. It is so precious to daydream of that heavenly time we had together. I want you to know that even if it was only for that time and if will never see each other again, I still count it as worth it.

Wow… I love to love you, I love to pray for you and intercede for you and speak life over you. I love how I can support you in the spirit in a way that I might not have been able to if we were together physically. I love how there are no boundaries in the spirit and how God is just opening the heavens above you, I believe. I love how I can work with the Father in order to pray for you. I love how I can lock in with the Spirit and declare His perfect dream for your life over you. I just love it.

I love how Father is building precious things into me that I would have never had if you were not in my life and if I did not have to earnestly desire and seek God so much. So thank you for bringing me closer to my God in a very intimate way. Thank you that you helped me discover more about my God. Things I never knew and never understood. Things about the Spirit that I now finally have a greater understanding of and about love! Wow!! Thank you for helping me understand love like I have never understood it before.

I wish I could really express how great it is to love you. I love you so much and I am excited to love you and I am filled by loving you. It brings me so much joy and fulfillment, despite the circumstances and your lack of communicating and all the rumours and all the uncertainties and all the pain that my heart feels when I try to make sense of your reactions.

Despite of all that I love you deeply, truly, intimately, fully, earnestly, intensely, completely and unconditionally. I love you, my love, my beautiful man that I can love freely and fully and by the grace of God and the gift of love that he has placed inside of me for you.

Be blessed. Find God. See Him. That is what I desire for you. I desire for you, intimacy with Father, where you are so aware of Him, His beauty, His glory, His splendour and His heart. I pray this for you constantly that your life will be ever-changing, as you embrace his heart every day and come to know Him as the perfect Father that He is.

I pray for you a life of obedience, where your heart is set on His voice and your life is walking out what the Holy Spirit is guiding you to do. I pray this for you so that you can truly find complete fulfillment in Him and also that you can be satisfied to the full, completely filled with His presence and that you can walk in a way that is pleasing unto Him. I pray that your walk will truly please the Father and that you will be His heart revealed, here on earth.

I pray that your life will be selfless and that the people you meet will never be the same again as you show forth the heart of the Father and reveal to the lost the love of God. And because of this, that you will revel in His love and enjoy Him as your Dad.

I want to tell you what I see in my heart when I think of you. I loved watching you as you worked with the children and how you treated the people. I am blown away by your compassion for people and how you serve them with your life and care deeply. This is precious, my love. I believe that in your heart for people you are really living God to them. People can see Him through you and I saw Him through you. You showed me the heart of the Father many times. I loved seeing Him through you.

I see a man that is totally focused on the Father, whose life is to serve Him and that you are very serious about this. You are serious when it comes to the things of God. You are serious when it comes to His Word and Kingdom and you are serious about life. This was clear. You did not play around. You were serious about it all.

I love you. You…not some picture of you, not some dream… I love you. The raw you, the real you, the broken you, the imperfect you.. You with your moods and intensity, you with your beautiful language and lack of English, you with your simplicity and complexity, you that makes me angry, sad and happy at the same time, you that is so beautiful.

It is you that I love and that I want to love and will love forever. I love you deeply, love you truly,love you completely. You are so imperfect and that is just so perfect for me. I can keep on typing and typing and typing because my words will not run dry. It is like a stream of living water flowing from my heart and I hope that it reaches your heart and that you know that my love for you will not change. Ever…

I love you and cannot wait to see you again, my precious. I am yours, still, hear me, please. May the fragrance of my heart reach yours.



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