So many 24 hours have passed, and in many of those I have forgotten to celebrate that you are not with me.
Many moments I have experienced your absence as torment, aching as I miss you. Emotions so real, raw and intense that I did not know if I would survive them.
Many days and some successions of days, I have forgotten to celebrate you not being with me… Some stretches turned into seasons. Seasons that exhausted my heart, nearly extinguished my faith and came close to ruining my hope…
But if I have any Concept of God, His heart, His promises, His plans… Then how can I not celebrate that you are not next to me now?
If I believe in the seasons and timing of the Almighty… The truth of Him working all things together for those who love Him… If I believe that I can trust Him with my life, and that He has my heart…
If I know that I walk under His guidance and council…
Then all that I could possibly say is, I celebrate that you are not with me now…
Although my heart is crying, I can still celebrate because He is my God…
I love you, my beautiful man… I celebrate your absence in the natural and believe in the exquisite destiny God has for you and me.
I could ask my heart why it loves you, as I could ask the sun why it does shine.
I could ask myself why it chose you, as I could ask the wolf why it chose to howl.
I might ask my soul if it should not find another, as I could ask a desert mouse, if it should not move elsewhere.
The sun would most likely answer, that it shines because that is what stars do.
And the wolf would probably say that it knows no other cry.
And I assume the desert mouse would simply call the desert its home.
I love you because that is simply what my heart does. A heart like mine, loves a human called you.
I chose you, because no matter the facts or circumstances, I will always end up choosing you because that is what a myself like me would do.
You are where a soul like mine would stay. You are simply my home…
I love you because I am me.
When I get quiet enough to see my heart, it’s still smiling.
When the thousand fleeting thoughts can stop for a moment, it is still you I am thinking of.
When I honestly face myself, I must still say… It is you that I love.
Once a heart has tasted authentic love, the heart only knows eternity…
So, even though years have gone by and days have grown longer, and memories started to slightly fade…
My heart is still caught up in that moment, when I gave in to loving you…
that moment I allowed eternity to become my existing space…
The moment I allowed love to take me home…
Already living eternity… Loving you.
9 October 2017
There’s a world to discover
A vastness of a variety of beauty to see
There’s the diversity of cultures to experience
The mighty oceans to explore
The spectacular continents to see
Yet my world has a pivot
My life has found a focus point
My eyes behold the magnificence of everything around me as I travel and do life
But the eyes of my heart is on you
I can stare at the Northern lights in wonder,
Yet my heart looks to you…
I can climb a snow covered mountain
Yet my heart is pulled to you
With a magnetic yearning, I am drawn to you, my love…
I am expectant
It can’t be long anymore
Wherever I go, my heart pivots around you
And the force of the pull has not weakened
I love you most…
My dearest love,
And yet my heart remains expectant as I keep my eyes on the God of miracles and as I quiet the loudness of my mind, and find my heart and what it is really saying to me.
I love that our love is tested to the extreme. I love that I have to keep on delving deeper into my ability to love. I love that our love is under fire! I love that our love is tested by every form, logic and reason to prove it is impossible.
I love the buoyancy of my love for you! I love that I feel like I am drowning in deep, dark waters of impossibility, doubt, hopelessness and despair but there is always a moment of buoyancy… always. Every time I just can’t go on.
I am so humbled that I can love you. I am so blessed that I can carry you with me in my heart. It is so amazing that I can have the honoured position of praying for you.
What I love the most about this journey is that it is my journey, but you are making this story possible.
I love you with the assurance of forever… I love you with the energy of now… and I love you with the finality of yesterday.
It is love that makes God powerful. He is powerful because He is Love. It is love that makes God beautiful. He is beautiful because He is Love…
I know I am not much. I am dust, a breath, a moment. In the grand scheme of things, I am really minuscule.
But I want you to know that this dust is deeply devoted to you and this breath lavishly adores you. I want you to know that in this moment called ‘my life’, you are exclusively loved.
I really am nothing and in the grand scheme of things, I really am insignificant…
Maybe the actual beauty of life and purpose of being alive is to see how dust can fiercely love, and a breath can deeply connect and a moment can pierce into eternity to unlock heaven and start to live it here on earth.
I don’t know. I can’t see the bigger picture. All I know is, here I am, just simply me, loving you.